Signs a child may be being groomed online

What grooming looks like

Grooming is a process, not a single event. An adult, or sometimes another young person, gradually gains a child’s trust and then tries to move the relationship out of sight. It can happen on any app where children talk to people, including games, video platforms and messaging apps.

Children are never to blame for grooming. Those affected are often confused, flattered or afraid of getting into trouble, which is why it can be hard for them to tell anyone.

Behavioural signs to notice

• Secrecy about a device, app or account, or quickly switching screens when you come near
• Gifts, money, game credits or devices they cannot explain
• A new online friend they talk about often but you have never met, especially someone older
• Mood changes after being online, such as anxiety, anger or withdrawal
• Much less sleep, or using a phone late at night
• Losing interest in friends, activities or school that they used to enjoy
• Sexual words or jokes that are unusual for their age
• More than one account on the same app, or chat history disappearing

No single sign proves anything. Stress, a friendship ending or a new hobby can cause similar changes. Look for several signs together, and for changes that last.

Conversational patterns

You may not see the messages, but children sometimes tell you what was said, or you may hear these patterns in how they describe an online contact:

• Very intense or very quick praise, such as “you are so mature for your age” or “no one understands you like I do”
• A request to keep the friendship secret from parents, teachers or friends
• Pressure to move from a public app to a private one
• Questions about their body, their relationships or whether they are home alone
• Requests for photos, or for them to switch on a camera
• Gifts or help offered first, followed by a sense that they now owe something

Isolation is a pattern in its own right. Watch for a child who is pulling away from family and friends, or who says someone “does not want them to tell anyone”.

What to do if you are worried

1. Stay calm. A strong reaction can make a child stop talking to you.
2. Do not delete anything. Save messages, usernames, profile links and screenshots, with dates where you can.
3. Block and report the account on the platform, once the evidence is saved.
4. Report to the authorities in your country if you believe a child is at risk. Child protection services and the police can advise you.
5. Tell your child’s school safeguarding lead, who can support the child and work with outside services.
6. Look after your child afterwards. They may feel guilty or ashamed, so reassure them that they did the right thing by telling you.

How to talk to your child

Keep the conversation open rather than making it an interrogation.

• Ask about the games and people they enjoy, and let them tell you without expecting a full report.
• Say clearly: “You will not be in trouble for telling me something that worried you.”
• Explain the warning signs you noticed, and what you would like to do about them together.
• Agree that secret adult friendships, gifts and requests for photos are always worth telling a parent about.
• Avoid shaming them, and do not take the device away as a first response, because that can stop them telling you next time.

If you think a child is in immediate danger, call your local emergency number. For specialist advice in your country, including child protection and reporting services, see the help now directory. A school safeguarding lead or your family doctor can also point you to the right service.